Day 160 - Kuala Lumpur, Chinatown, Market and Petronas Towers

A bridge too far?

Day 160 - 30th November

So Kuala Lumpur, here it was in front of me and I was so exhausted I didn't even want to look around.

But Ross pulled me together and we both managed to pick up tickets for the subway and headed into central Kuala Lumpur where I left his at Plaza Rakyat to head to my hostel - Step Inn, situated just a few minutes from the station. Of course, I got this arse about face.

I went to McDonalds and had a breakfast whilst trying to use their Wi-Fi. Useless. A weird, old guy was smiling and staring at me so I loaded up with my bags and got the hell out of there.

Eventually, I found it was just off a street at the top of a hill, beside a small Hindu temple and a curry house. Happy days.

Because it was only 6:30am, I had to wait until 2pm to check in. Not knowing what to do in that amount of time, I instead chose to write and submitted two sports articles to GMS and two short scripts to the BBC Writers Room. Fingers crossed again on these.

Petaling Street Chinatown

I checked into my cell... I mean room which consisted of a single bed and one bedside cupboard. I did a little research on places to visit and then headed off to Chinatown and the Central Market to discover what Kuala Lumpur had to offer. It turns out quite a lot and I immersed myself in the sounds, smells and ... other things in Chinatown and the market.

Love that pork!

And that dumpling broth.

I had a fantastic BBQ Pork noodle dinner and then set off around 7pm to find the Petronas Towers. Within forty minutes, I'd passed Times Square Mall (home of an indoor theme park - I'll be visiting at some point I'm sure), the sky bars and bar strips and finally what I had come to see, those towers were mighty big and I gazed up nervously at the bridge way that connects them knowing I've got to go up there in a few days. Shite!

Just fooling around.

Ok, one without me. You happy?

I saw a movie inside the complex before heading back around 10:30pm. A prostitute asked if she could walk back with me and I joked, 'I don't think you could keep up.' Word of advice - don't say this to a prostitute, she thinks you're talking about something else when really you're referring to a walking pace!

Thailand - Recap

So a recap of Thailand. Mixed emotions about this place, some bits I just couldn't get on board with or felt underwhelmed (sorry, but that's just honest) but some bits I absolutely loved!

Bangkok, particularly Khaosan Road was not enough for me but meeting Paul (a family friend), seeing a ping pong show and being with my sister and cousin made it better.

Chiang Mai and the islands further south were fantastic.

So let's crack on:

Chiang Mai - 03rd November - 06th November

Top 5 moments:

1. Deejai Backpackers Hostel - nice, friendly and chilled out.

2. Wat Chedi Luang

3. The Post Office bonanza - couldn't find the bloody place despite walking past it multiple times.

4. The crazy old man trying to set me up with a ladyboy.

5. Hanging off the back of a Tuk Tuk at 50 kph

Bangkok - 06th November - 09th November / 11th November - 12th November

Top 5 moments:

1. Dave pulling bunting out of a woman at the Ping Pong Show.

2. Samsen Skyline Hostel receptionist - bloody brilliant woman!

3. Khaosan Road first night with Kel and Dave. Shocking Pad Thai Kels!

4. The reclining Buddha and Wat Pho.

5. The airport arrival of Kel and Dave and seeing them for the first time in five months - "Yesssssssssssss!!!"

Kanchanaburi - 09th November - 11th November

Top 5 moments -

1. Elephant Sanctuary

 

2. Sugar Cane 2 Guest Huts

3. Death Railway

4. The bar girls beating us at Connect 4

5. The resort and ghost story talk.

Phuket - 13th November - 16th November

Top 5 moments:

1. James Bond Island - another Bond location ticked off.

2. Snorkelling.

3. The Capsule hostel.

4. The bars and nightlife - they provided plenty of laughs.

5. Jet skiing with Dave.

Koh Samui - 16th November /  20th November - 28th November

Top 5 moments:

1. The New Hut Bungalows.

2. 'Chicken and Rice' with Matt - daily, sometimes double daily, ritual.

3. The Mynt Lounge with Joy, Emmi and the gang.

4. The views.

5. Lou Kratong festival.

Koh Tao - 17th November - 18th November

Top 5 moments:

1. Snorkelling.

2. The Sairee Hut Resort.

3. Setting a head tennis record with Dave - a 57 rally and a splitting headache.

4. Our heart to heart talk at the beach side bar.

5. Fire show at The Sunset Bar.

Koh Phangan - 19th November

Top 5 moments:

1. The Half Moon Party.

2. Finding converse and a Superman t-shirt in a second hand store - what a find.

3. The Lime and Soda Hut on the beach.

4. The dodgy face painting.

5. The Thai Massage.

Day 159 - A whole day literally travelling

Farewell New Hut Bungalows, you've been amazing to me.

Day 159 - 29th November

So as the title eludes, it was a full day of mini vans, ferries, more mini vans and sleeper buses. By the end, it was getting more luxurious but prior to that, it was looking like one of my old boss's cups of tea - dark brown, oily and too strong - basically, a horror show.

My journey, from Surat Thani (after an hour on the ferry) to Kuala Lumpur. Christ!

I boarded the mini van with two Eastern European girls and we took the short 25 minute trip to Koh Samui pier. The waiting area had just me in it for quite a while, which was worrying but suddenly it started to fill up. A French woman asked me to open her can of cold coffee and being English, I duly obliged with a smile despite having a tug of war with it for five minutes.

Well the island did look like a woman lying down but I caught it on a down wave. Nuts!

We all boarded the ferry and I had a little snooze. It wasn't long and within an hour, we were back on mainland and horded into a shabby coach. Bits were falling off of it, it was dirty, it was Asia's finest!

We stopped after thirty minutes, possibly even less and those bound for the airport stayed on whilst the Malaysia gang stuck around. Lucky I checked otherwise they were going to take our luggage with them!

Those damn mini vans, my expression says it all.

A mini van shows up. A pretty nice one with leather seats but with all mini vans, no bloody leg room. We endured this five hours with a brief pitstop. I met Ross from Atlanta, Georgia and we ended up next to each other on the second leg of the bus until we reached almost the most southern part of Thailand.

A sweet ride but a crazy transfer. 

As the rest of the group went off, me and Ross were told to get into the back of an classic, gold Mercedes where an old guy drove us five minutes to a bus company.

This was pretty good for £1.

There we had to wait for an hour for our night bus. We were the only ones going to Kuala Lumpur. In that time we got lost but found a little time to have dinner at a Chinese restaurant which was pretty good. A few snacks from Seven 11 would tide us over until we reached Kuala Lumpur on the morning.

I might miss this set up in years to come.

By six thirty, I was running alongside the bus as I came out of the toilet. The bugger was going to drive off with my luggage and without me. Close call!

Love this bus. Great leg room, air con is a bit too much!

We reached the exit border. No problems. We reached the entry border for Malaysia. No problems. We were in the clear. So we got our heads down and hopefully, we'd sleep all the way until we reached Kuala Lumpur - yeah, and Sandra Bullock would be waiting for me in my hostel room when I got there!

Day 158 - Final day in Koh Samui

Going to miss this place, well not the sand, but the views

Day 158 - 28th November

What the hell is in that rum. I was still struggling and feeling sick.

He seems content enough.

But it was my last day in Koh Samui, I'd be leaving in the morning at 6:30 for Kuala Lumpur. So I got to work until 12 o'clock when Matt finally surfaced and we went for the order of the day. I never get sick of rice and meat because they cook it so well here.

Matt went off to the gym whilst I went back to write again. I've come up with a new sitcom based on my experiences growing up in a big family. It's going to be pretty funny I think, with lots of great personalities and comedic material. We shall see.

I had some fantastic news - my oldest friend, Matt (neither from these last few days in Koh Samui) asked me to be his best man at his wedding next September. Obviously I was delighted and accepted the role. I'll plan how to do it in the coming weeks.

I went to the Irish bar for a few beers whilst I had Skype chats with my parents, sister and brothers. It was great to hear from them all. My niece Emmy is quite the character now, oh how I miss her and the rest of the gang.

A curry in a coconut - on in Koh Samui!

In the evening, I had a curry at the local place, The Curry that I found with the others and had a wonderful fish curry in a coconut. Seriously, this woman is fantastic and her place will be a hotspot in the next year or so, I'm sure of it.

Crazy kids, Matt and Emmi

Even crazier, Emmi and Joy

I had a quick wash and then made my way up to the Mynt Lounge to say goodbye to all the gang. The trip wasn't as uneventful as it usually was - I kissed a masseur and was ball grabbed by a random drunk woman in the company of three guys outside a Seven 11 on my way up.

These girls love a selfie! With two others thrown in for good measure.

At the Mynt Lounge, we played pool, drank beer, put on lousy music and enjoyed my last few hours. I'll miss Joy, Emmi and the rest of the gang but I'll be a few hundred up wherever I go from now on! 

But the night didn't end there.

Chaweng was lively.

I left for a few hours to watch the United game and afterwards we (Matt, Joy, Emmi and I) headed to Chaweng to go to a club. I thought, what the hell. Sleep is for whimps. We started dancing, I upset Emmi by telling her she didn't need to smoke - sorry Ems - and Matt got soaked in his shirtless stay when the rain came down.

Before the madness, the face wasn't much different though.

We moved to another bar and then trouble found us. Matt had his phone and 800 Baht stolen from his bag. To say he was agitated would be putting it mildly and it took all three of us to calm him down and keep his head cool. Panicking in this type of situation is pointless.

Outside, he fought a corigated sheet of metal protecting a building site. The sheet won of course and Matt was left nursing a swollen, possibly dislocated knuckle. I had to sort him out.

So I got him on the phone to the bank, cancelled his online banking details which had been stored on his phone, gave him my old Nokia from Cambodia and ran in the rain to Seven 11 to get ice for his hand. All in all, an exciting way to finish off Koh Samui!

What a way to start the day!

I saw out the night, knowing it was useless trying to sleep when I had a six thirty bus to catch. It was already 4:30. I'd get plenty of rest on the 23 hour coach trip! 

I bid farewell to the gang and readied myself. It was going to be brutal.

Day 157 - Feeling rum down

The best picture I could produce from the archives. Anything real would scare you! What a berk.

Day 157 - 27th November

I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a train. Literally. My face was all numb and my stomach was burning. When Matt appeared, he told me about the amphetamine laced rum which had knocked me out. He didn't know either.

I spent the day trying to work but it was no use, I was in no fit state. I managed a swim and lunch with Matt but afterwards went back to sleep some more - anyone who knows me, knows I do not nap ever during the day. I hate it.

Matt tried to get me to go along in the evening but I couldn't make it. Instead, I went for a walk, booked my trip to Kuala Lumpur (23 hours on a bus!), had a burger in hopes it would soak up the remaining rum in my system and staggered back in pain to my hut to crash out again.

Definitely the worst I've felt since travelling and a lesson learned the hard way - don't drink rum without knowing what's in it. 

Day 156 - Storms brewing, both at sea and on land

This was before the night took a turn for the worst!

Day 156 - 26th November

It had been a heavy night - not with booze, but with a giant storm hitting the coastline and the area just metres from my hut. All night I was waiting for the roof to cave in from water damage but it didn't. Nevertheless, I didn't sleep well.

I continued with my work until Matt surfaced and then we commenced with our daily routine - chicken and rice, some pork and rice and then a fruit shake. By the time the film had finished (Enemy at the Gates) I was ready to burst. 

Matt went to the gym (crazy bastard) whilst I went back to work some more.

We had an afternoon swim before heading back up to our favourite spot in the Mynt Lounge. After a few beers, we were joined by a Londoner who told us about his experiences Quad Biking in Koh Samui, experiences that had resulted in him needing reconstruction surgery on his knee. He was still going to ride in a few months time when his year's recovery had finished. Fair play to him!

Joy on a roll! Matt on steroids I think!

The happy duo.

Later on, the other Matt rocked up and we had a few games of pool against the bar girls. When we lost I had to pay out a few hundred for their drinks (when will I ever learn) before me and the two Matt's headed to a few of the Go Go bars for a few drinks.

Aye, aye. There's trouble abrewing!

This is when my trouble started. We were drinking Samsong's rum and after two I was completely plastered. Matt had to bring me back on his bike, a favour I'm very grateful for.

I collapsed in my hut, unaware that my drink was laced with amphetamine! Lesson learned!

Day 155 - Chivas Regal, Loy Kratong Festival and laundry!

Loy Kratong Festival

Day 155 - 25th November

Not too bad. Last time I had it when I was ten!

So my day started more healthy than usual with museli and banana. It was OK but half an hour later I was hungry again.

We found a laundry place offering one kg for 30 Baht so we put some in before heading off for the daily ritual of chicken and rice. They lost half our order, partly down to Matt's accent and partly down to them just not understanding. Saving Private Ryan was on so not all was lost.

We headed to the Mynt Lounge as usual but with a purpose. We'd decided to buy a bottle of Chivas Regal between us and just sit all day on bar stools and enjoy it. When we arrived, Joy, Emmi and the girls said the owner wouldn't sell it to us. He did say we could go out and buy a bottle from Family Mart for 1,600 Baht and pay him 3,000 Baht to drink it in his bar. Seemed like a good deal!

The floats

So we had two shots of Chivas each and a few Changs before joining the others to celebrate Loy Kratong Festival, a water based festival where the locals put money on small flower floats and push them into streams for good luck. It was good fun to watch and be a part of.

Afterwards, Matt and I went for more chicken and rice. Again the orders didn't come out as we wanted but it was still pretty good. The Hills Have Eyes II was on - appalling, appalling film.

After Matt returned to the Mynt Lounge but I headed back for a detox and a little more work.

Day 154 - North to South, lost in translation and Go Go Girls

Love that view

Day 154 - 24th November

Another day, another dollar as they say, except no-one will give me a dollar for my work so I just keep going.

My routine changed slightly and not for the better as I had my breakfast. I was typing away at my story and I spilled my coffee all over my laptop. Dave's presence around me in the past two weeks was rubbing off now.

So I went looking for a repair place because the keyboard was no longer responding. A website told me that a fantastic repair place could be found at the IT Complex in the North of Lamai. When I eventually made it there after a 20 minute walk in the heat, I discovered from a helpful desk clerk that the company had liquidated five years earlier. I should've known really with the owner posing in a pool as her profile for the business.

I asked the guy where I could go and he said Tesco's Lotus - two kilometres in the other direction. So I set off again and reached Tesco's. Inside there was a great place called Banana IT. I picked up a keyboard for seven quid. Bargain.

I went by Matt's usual eating spot and of course found him there. We had chicken and rice and watched Jaws 3. Afterwards, we made our way to the Mynt Lounge where I worked and Matt played pool with the locals and Joy.

Love that beach

Afterwards, we headed back for the three 'S's and then went back to the Mynt Lounge. We met another guy from London, Matt who had dislocated his toe a few nights before. We played pool with him and I narrowly beat him after skewing my shot wide and it still going in.

He took us down on his bike to the Go Go bars and we had Thai Rum and Beers with the women whilst playing Connect 4 and a dice game. Those girls were crazy, asking us to take them away for 1,200 Baht. Matt (bearded) and I scarpered back to the Mynt Lounge.

After a few more hours, I set off as Joy tried to get Matt to walk me back. I ran down the street so they could stay together whilst Matt hijacked Joy's moped and yelled out for me to jump on the back of it.

Eventually they caught me up and Matt and I walked back with the usual berating from the massage girls and lady boys.

I'm getting too old for this! :-D

Day 153 - More Writing, more Chicken and Rice and more Mynt Lounge

Love those raspberry shakes!

Day 153 - 23rd November

Yeah, the title says it all. More writing, more chicken and rice and more of the Mynt Lounge.

I'm not complaining, it's actually good fun to have this sort of routine. You wake up in a hut around 8am, it's dark until you flip the door and shutters open to see the sea. Then you get up and have breakfast whilst working and then take a little walk. A little more work until 5pm and then afterwards, you go out for a couple of plates of chicken and rice and a raspberry shake before moving on to the Mynt Lounge.

The moon doesn't even look real

I think for the first time travelling since Vietnam, I am chilling out in one place just enjoying the freedom and enjoying writing for long periods again.

Me and Matt are having a lot of laughs with the bar staff and locals who seem to be enjoying our company too. Even if they don't they are pretty convincing.

I went out in a Superman t-shirt and as I walked down the strip in it, random massage girls are shouting out that they want to massage me because I'm Superman. I don't know what comic books they've been reading but I'm more the Clark Kent (I'm a writer, crap hair cut and a bit of a dork) of the ego rather than a Man of Steel. But I'm happy to play up.

After leaving Matt in the Mynt Lounge with Joy at 2am, I had to run down the street to get away from the massage girls and ladyboys who were coming out into the street to get me. I'd love to say I'm exaggerating but I'm not. I nearly fell over twice.

Day 152 - Meeting Matty, Rock Bar and Mynt Lounge

Somewhere in the midst is a man trimming the grass

Day 152 - 22nd November

So it was business as usual, working on my latest book, the sequel to one of the projects I was working on in Cambodia. It's already 55,300 odd words in length but needs improvements to bring it up to the same level as the first.

I worked over breakfast until Matt caught up with me around lunchtime. He said he'd found some good places to eat and drink further up from Lamai Beach. I told him I wanted to do some work first but we'd meet up around five-ish and he could show me around.

The rest of the day I walked up and down the beach trying to generate ideas. Ideally, my second book takes part in a beach house so it's not too bad for research purposes.

The Rock Bar

By five o'clock I was on the back of Matt's bike and we were heading towards the Rock Bar, a place sunk into a rock around the bay. We walked up the beach towards the bar and after a little detour, we eventually found it. I wasn't down for having a mushroom shake so just had a Chang instead.

It was a pretty good spot and a good way to waste half an hour.

Afterwards, we moved towards the main strip. There was a Sunday market on so we had to navigate through hordes of people to make it to the restaurant Matt had been eating in since we left him on Tuesday.

The chicken and rice was awesome and the raspberry shake even better. Not bad for four quid. The chef was really friendly, coming out to shake our hands and greet us before our meal. This place isn't even one star but it's bloody good.

The Mynt Lounge

Afterwards, we went to the Mynt Lounge to see a girl, Joy who Matt had met up with. It was a great bar, with a really chilled out vibe and a pool table. Amazingly, I won five games on the bounce against different challenges in the bar, making myself look like a pool whizz. A complete fluke of course.

We rolled out around one am and headed back. I have a feeling this is how the nights are going to progress here.

Day 151 - Just Another Day in Paradise, aye Phil?

The hut, OK, mine's behind but it still counts

Day 151 - 21st November

So waking up with ocean rolling in just outside my room was a welcomed treat. I stepped out on my mini porch and just breathed in the ocean air. Not a bad start to the day.

I had breakfast in the New Hut restaurant and they told me I couldn't plug in my laptop to charge. That was going to be problem given I was planning to take a week out to do some writing. As all English people do, I just smiled, thanked them for at least indulging the idea before paying for my breakfast.

Haven't a clue who they are - they ruined my bloody shot!

I wrote for most of the day on my porch and bloody loved every second of it. It was so nice to be settled and enjoying what I loved most whilst the sun warmed my feet which were perched on the banister. Not a bad way to spend a day.

I went for a curry at the same place we went to a few days early and had a delicious Makkasan curry on recommendation for the owner. It was awesome with nuts and a creamy sauce on white rice. Not bad for three quid.

Love that Chang

Afterwards, I popped across to an Irish pub and had a Guinness, oh sweet Guinness. The barman offered me free pork scratchings with 119 Baht Changs in litre glasses. I had a few whilst I watched United vs Watford and enjoyed a little relaxation.

Who said travelling was boring - nobody, ever!

Day 150 - Farewell... for now!

It's not a bad old life really

Day 150 - 20th November

So, the dreaded day had arrived. Kel and Dave were off back home. It's been so great having them here with me it almost felt at times as if they were with me all the way around.

So our trip together ended in true form of how it had been plodding along in the last two weeks - we overslept our 10am check out time. One of the staff was knocking on the door trying to get us out.

Let's be honest, who'd want to leave this hut?

Eventually we surfaced and went to the restaurant to soak up the previous night with a good olde English fry up. One has never gone down so well.

We had a few hours to kill before our pick up so we finished the trip off with a massage. Dave joked that he was mugged off with his masseur but I felt, as I was told to remove my shirt - Kel and Dave were still fully clothed - that I was getting the raw deal.

Dave looks like he's in a submission hold

Kel's isn't much better

I felt ten years younger, shame the hair didn't reflect it!

My masseur was amazing and at one point I felt like James Bond being taken out by a Bond Villain as she put me in front of her and lifted me up over her body with her knees. Sadly I could get a picture because she was holding my arms behind me but believe me, I was impressed. She was only seven or eight stone.

We left behind Lime and Soda, re-boarded the ferry and had a choppy trip back for 45 minutes. Dave asked for a sick bag, the big tart, and Kel kept her head down.

At the airport, I was impressed with the operation they had for such a small island airport. After checking in, Kel, Dave and I went for a pizza. We were reeling off our best bits and a feeling of poignancy attached itself to our conversation - well for me anyway.

The trip wouldn't have been complete without one final gaffe, and it came as I hug and kissed my sister and Dave goodbye, they began walking away and we realised the gate was nearby where we had a pizza. We just laughed.

As they disappeared, I walked back to the main road and begun a trek towards the beach. I made it twenty minutes before realising that the coast was down a winding road towards Cheweng Beach and I'd be walking an hour and half at least to get there.

I reached a bend in the road and found a little, local restaurant made of bamboo with no more than 4 tables in it. That's how small it was. I asked the guy inside how to get to Cheweng quickly. He told me I was countless kilometres out and offered to take me on his bike for 150 Baht. It was a good deal so I went with him.

My driver, nice chap.

He told me as we drove down that Cheweng was at least 700 Baht a room and when he took me to one place, he was proved right as they asked for 1,300 Baht a night.

He kindly offered to take me back to Lamai Beach where I stayed before going to Koh Tao. I stopped at New Hut Bungalows.

I checked into a hut on the beach for 500 Baht a night (10 quid) and settled into island life. I quite like being by the sea, minus the sand of course!

And as promised - Crittenden's Clangers for you:

- On his first night, he withdrew money from the ATM. He left his card in the machine.
- Dave thought it would be a good idea to go into the Indian Ocean with his phone inside his swim shorts.
- Dave jumped down from a wooden gazebo, smacking his head on a beam overhead and landing on his arse. He cut his hand open.

- He left his swimming trunks at our resort in Kanchanaburi.

- After lifting him up on my shoulders at the Half Moon Party, he threw his glasses into the crowd. They are now lost!
-  Lost his wallet temporarily before realising it was in his bag.
- Pulled a women old enough to be his mother.
- Took control from me on a jet ski. I told him not to hit the corners anything above 30 kph. He hits one at 50 kph, we both fly off and have to swim 200 yards to get back to it.